Heaven's Mirror

" a gentle melody is the end of memory,
if only one wish may be granted, let life run free "

I can only wish for one thing at this point, and that is that through this trial, he would remain happy. Even at the expense of my life. It hasn't been the smoothest of roads, but this short life has been scenic and full of pleasant things; Though the miracles had to be viewed through the foggy window of my heavy burdens. I am not like him, and I am like him. This fact has been on my mind since the beginning of the end. Perhaps, though I could not reach out a finger and feel his presence... I wonder if I ever made a difference to him. He would smile to me through something short of pain and say 'You made me happy.' Was that my life's purpose? I wanted to do something much more.

I will be content in my decision to give my life for him. Maybe that in itself is selfish. I want to be remembered in death doing something that I finally felt is righteous. There are so many things to do; And so many things I could have done if I had given myself the opportunity, to open those doors. I no longer have the courage to talk to my team members. I sit and browse the active boards and look at all the usernames, remembering the dream that once mattered to me: to touch lives with the death of my close friends. The game was to be a dedication to their memory and a key to unlocking the hearts of many humans to struggle with a variety of issues in today's corrupt world where many sins run rampant. I can only pray that my dearest friends will help push that into reality. And that he may help make it my legacy also.

No longer... I no longer care what others think about my situation and heritage. It used to be something of great importance, to be like others. Hundreds of friends who love and care for me and not one single family member who would give a moment... I became the living punching bag for the ones around me that have my blood. I don't want to associate with them. I want a normal family... I want to have the blood running in me that is my friends', for they are my greatest treasure. For those of you who read, abuse is a terrifying reality that goes overlooked. It often isn't corrected even in the victim's lifetime. We live in a world where nobody wants anything of anyone's business, and so we let the victims suffer... Ignorance is bliss. We 'do all we could' and move on. Just because you don't have to hear and feel it, does it mean that it does not exist? My bruises and the deep scars that run inside are proof that it still does, whether someone rushes to my aid or not. I can't say I hate my family...because I would be lying. I have never hated anyone in my life. I have tried, but I can't find it in me to hold a grudge against anyone at all. I wish, just as with others, that their lives would be touched with peace and joy...

In a far off distant field, I'm sure the flowers are singing to the sky. A reflection that is heaven's mirror. In my life, I hope I became more like that flower, and that I continue to shine even when I am gone. Will such a world remember my small voice?