To The Light!

" Go to the light!
There's no need for hesitation.
The passion in my heart
Spurs me to go on.
That dream in the distance seems to grow bright
As I grow closer to that day. "
(credits: DSong1384 for English Lyrick)

Today starts a new era. Moving on without him is perhaps the best of decisions, even though the pain will still prick my soul. Until he opens his eyes to a brighter day as well.

The passion of game design makes my heart flutter! With a deep seeded story we can change the views of many and mend torn hearts. Isn't that what a game is all about; Helping others? Production is going smoothly as ever and some of the immature individuals have indeed been weeded out, leaving us with the strength of the loyal. That dream doesn't seem so far away when my hand is being held by true friends. In my own world of hurt I had lost sight of what is really important. In by drowning in his torment, I had forgotten about helping others... Letting them down. But I can forgive myself and start anew. Starting today with a bright look into the future.

A quick look into some of the projects that make my life sing!

SpherEternity: Fallen Angels is my dearest child. Also a tribute to deceased friends of mine, telling their story to help those who bend an ear to listen, I believe I can justify their deaths and help them rest in peace. It starts with top-pilot Kayci who's bravery takes her on a mission into deep space where an unfortunate accident sends her plummeting back into time to a planet which no longer exists in the present. Meeting quiet scholar, Indecelio, she must find her way home by trusting friends in this strange land, all the while not knowing she is being pulled into a far greater purpose. My intentions are to make a fun and enjoyable game to play, but the main focus is on life-altering stories... There's a character there that will appeal to everyone and touch everyone, whether it is the lively Arpan whose greatest task it growing up, to the flamboyant Kujiforo who must learn to love himself as well as others. Through an intricate story filled with emotion, I'm sure it will impact lives.

KomMma: Though a small project, this game touches me on many levels with its quirky characters and deep plot filled with amazing twists and turns. It definitely is innovative in the gaming community for its ability to smash together many genres and still provide a quality gaming experience. A platformer/survival horror/RPG, KomMma tells the tale of a young boy (Yuu) who, after a hilarious accident, finds himself in a nightmarish coma. There he meets Modra, a strange girl that is the keeper of time, and Krev, a trouble-making boy who looks similar to himself. Trapped within his own mind, he must brave every memory to piece himself back together and wake up into real life. However, someone has malevolent intentions... of ensuring that Yuu stays imprisoned in the nightmare forever.

Perfect Entry: This one has the most personal emotions playing through it of mine. Its basically a story of love that isn't quite returned as it should be. It will be an episodic RPG, possibly commercial, made with the RPG Maker XP engine. And that is about the only details of that I can give out for sure.

So with a handful of hope, I can march forward and weave worlds and stories and life-altering instances for players all over the world to enjoy. Want to come with me on my journey?
http://s1.zetaboards.com/EkIchiGames/index/

Apologies

" You took away the pain
(Only to give it back again)
Was it too much for you to handle, see it through?
You played the foolish game
(Why don't you try and use your brain?)
Do you know what its like to lose?
Do you? Do you?"

And in his heart, is a child, spoiled and rotten. I have become a mere trophy to cling to, having no more emotion or feeling, no worth at all. What has this become? Have I indeed spoiled him so much that he believed he'll just have this grip on me, tormenting my heart for ages to come? How I do so love him. My body fails me, and my mind is so weary. I will look to God for strength.

No matter what, he is tearing himself apart from the hood of friendship. Casting it aside. he has become the monster. Someone I do not recognize. Suffering, I'll hide myself in the memories of him...so I can take comfort in the arms that used to hold me.

Dearest

" Back then when we met,
it was all awkward.
We went the long way, didn't we?
We got hurt, didn't we?
Until the day I reach eternal sleep,
that smiling fave will have to stay with me...
Without fail. "

Actions always speak louder than words they say. I'm inclined to believe them, though my inherent naivety has always gotten the better part of me. His face provokes tears, his voice summons a deeper pain. His words are opposite of his actions. There is nothing in this world more golden and precious than this person. Yet... I cannot fool myself any longer. The more I bear the punishment the more this lie flowers inside of me. He does not love me. My love is not returned. If Hell could open up to swallow this tortured soul, even it would not leave such a void. Have you ever given so much of everything to someone that you are empty? Have you ever loved someone so much it made you cry? What if... that someone did nothing except lie to you and feed on your love, only to leave you as dry and parched as desert sand? Would your love for them ever cease?

...Does anyone ever need a reason to love? It is the strongest of emotions in this world, doubly stronger than hatred, and even more potentially dangerous. Why must we burn our feelings with hate and fire... Why can't he love me, even after all of the sacrifices. Is it so selfish to ever want anything in return? What is love if I can feel it but receive nothing but pain? The more he bends to his own selfishly evil desires, the more I want to love him. Love can conquer all, right? Is the human heart so black it is blinded to this one much needed emotion? Yes, even though I can see that smiling face, I cannot smile along with it, for it is smiling at me....not with me. I know that in my heart as much as I strive to deny that simple truth.

Until the day I die, I will burn out the hours for my dearest. Someday... someday I will be of equal value, when my eyes shut and that stream of love is no longer washing over him.

Heaven's Mirror

" a gentle melody is the end of memory,
if only one wish may be granted, let life run free "

I can only wish for one thing at this point, and that is that through this trial, he would remain happy. Even at the expense of my life. It hasn't been the smoothest of roads, but this short life has been scenic and full of pleasant things; Though the miracles had to be viewed through the foggy window of my heavy burdens. I am not like him, and I am like him. This fact has been on my mind since the beginning of the end. Perhaps, though I could not reach out a finger and feel his presence... I wonder if I ever made a difference to him. He would smile to me through something short of pain and say 'You made me happy.' Was that my life's purpose? I wanted to do something much more.

I will be content in my decision to give my life for him. Maybe that in itself is selfish. I want to be remembered in death doing something that I finally felt is righteous. There are so many things to do; And so many things I could have done if I had given myself the opportunity, to open those doors. I no longer have the courage to talk to my team members. I sit and browse the active boards and look at all the usernames, remembering the dream that once mattered to me: to touch lives with the death of my close friends. The game was to be a dedication to their memory and a key to unlocking the hearts of many humans to struggle with a variety of issues in today's corrupt world where many sins run rampant. I can only pray that my dearest friends will help push that into reality. And that he may help make it my legacy also.

No longer... I no longer care what others think about my situation and heritage. It used to be something of great importance, to be like others. Hundreds of friends who love and care for me and not one single family member who would give a moment... I became the living punching bag for the ones around me that have my blood. I don't want to associate with them. I want a normal family... I want to have the blood running in me that is my friends', for they are my greatest treasure. For those of you who read, abuse is a terrifying reality that goes overlooked. It often isn't corrected even in the victim's lifetime. We live in a world where nobody wants anything of anyone's business, and so we let the victims suffer... Ignorance is bliss. We 'do all we could' and move on. Just because you don't have to hear and feel it, does it mean that it does not exist? My bruises and the deep scars that run inside are proof that it still does, whether someone rushes to my aid or not. I can't say I hate my family...because I would be lying. I have never hated anyone in my life. I have tried, but I can't find it in me to hold a grudge against anyone at all. I wish, just as with others, that their lives would be touched with peace and joy...

In a far off distant field, I'm sure the flowers are singing to the sky. A reflection that is heaven's mirror. In my life, I hope I became more like that flower, and that I continue to shine even when I am gone. Will such a world remember my small voice?